chapter twenty one

I am filled with such guilt as I hoist myself up in to my bunk tonight.

I’m so bummed. So guilty.

Guilty because of how savagely I attacked the after show food we had tonight, my arch evil nemesis that goes by the name Chick Fil A.

You may have heard of her. Delectably delicious, insanely enticing. The biggest tease every Sunday.

Why would someone dare choose this temptress as an impossibly “optional” late night snack?

The evil intentions shine quite clearly. 😉

I’m kidding obviously. Not about Chick Fil A being painfully tempting and impossible to turn away, because I did shove waffle fries into my mouth and nibble on some chicken the second I set my eyes on that too familiar packaging.

I’m kidding about being all torn up about eating it in general. That’s not why I want to kick myself.

It’s that I set goals for myself daily, not just about my overall health, and always seem to make excuses along the way to get out of these goals. Oh, but it’s Chick Fil A. Oh, but I’m hanging out with my friends and never see them. Oh, but I’m too tired. Oh, excuses, boo me.

That’s a major goal for myself in 2016, to stay motivated. To not buckle down because I can’t stay on track and not lose faith or sight of the plans I’ve set for myself. Cause c’mon, I can only eat so much cheese when I’ve had a bad day……..

Well.

But I’m tired of it, being so back and forth! I so know better and I know if I really put all my heart in to something I could totally stay motivated. Yeah, there are times where life doesn’t have to be so structured and you can have fun, I’m not trying to be a totally prude fun-killer! But if I continue as I do now and keep setting goals for myself, how will I ever meet them? I keep doing what I tell myself I shouldn’t do so I never make real progress with anything!

I gave up gluten for Lent a year ago and I killed it. I had all my heart in to not eating it and knew I would feel so ashamed if I cheated. It has to be black and white for me like that. Any gray area and the excuses will be endless of why I needed a croissant at whatever time.

I stopped drinking the first half of this year. It was very important to me that I did so for health reasons being on tour and just to take a step back for a bit and not be the social drinking butterfly. It cleared my mind and realigned my priorities. It made me see my surroundings soberly, with unclouded judgment on everything. I had total dedication and newfound clarity. It was awesome! And I realized that somewhere in my mind, a part of me had equated drinking and going out with having fun, and man, that is definitely inaccurate. I don’t need any substance to be friendly and have a good time. If I don’t want to go out and party, I won’t. No one should ever make you feel like you need to or are missing out because you’re not!!

I was proud of myself, to wholeheartedly dedicate myself to my goals and not let anyone peer pressure me in to caving.

So why can’t I stick to the whole eating healthier and working out shtick? Being a foodie and loving to eat is sadly one more big ‘ol excuse, albeit an accurate one.

And why do I lose faith in myself to build my brand and write more music? I know I should stay creative and continuously put out content and thoughts regardless of if I know they’re incredible or not, because working hard and trying will ultimately make me better in the end.

So I wonder – why do I bail? Am I just lazy? After a long, hard day can’t I just enjoy myself?

I admire all the fitness transformations I see on Instagram. I’m completely blown away by their work ethic and dedication for YEARS sometimes. I am jealous and ashamed that I may have it easier than some to reach my ultimate goal but I still don’t push myself as hard.

Same with music and developing me better. I can always work so much harder and stay motivated!

So as the year comes to a close and a holiday break looms on the horizon (literally, we’re done in two days, YAY), I can’t help but wonder about what 2016 will bring. 2015 was a wonderful year, I can only hope 2016 will be equally as awesome or better!

I will dream for a bigger and brighter future, thinking about what I can improve on for this next year as opposed to anything I wish I could have done better. A negative mind will never give you a positive life. 

:)

 I have learned so much through my experiences this year, it’s time to recognize what can be better and make that change!

I am very excited for this holiday break to be spent with family and loved ones and I can’t wait to gear up for next year to make it the best 2016 possible!

What will you improve on next year? What do you want to accomplish?

Let’s be our best together. <3

Love,

Kirstin

P.S. Pre-orders for my new merchandise starts next week! YAY!!! To celebrate I’m giving away some limited edition pieces from the first collection every day through the 25th!

Whats that you say? How do you win?

I’m glad you asked 

:)

1.Watch my socials (Twitter, Instagram, Facebook) (embed urls’s to each) through the 25th for my daily #12DaysOfKirstin post!

2.Share that post via Twitter, Instagram or Facebook. BUT make sure and use hashtag #12DaysOfKirstin so I can find you!

3.I’ll announce the winner every night 

:)

 Good luck!!!

BUT if you don’t win, don’t be too sad because starting early next week the store goes live for pre-order and will start shipping in January!

Thanks to everyone who has shared my pictures and posts already and as always PLEASE let me know your suggestions, I really do appreciate hearing from you 

:)

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