chapter twenty four

Chapter Twenty-Four. Wow! What an incredible journey this has been so far.

It’s been about half a year since I started my blog, so thank you all for coming along on my journeys with me! This has been very therapeutic and fun, and I feel like I’ve learned a lot from your experiences as well. Thank you for opening your hearts and sharing. <3

Speaking of twenty-four, I turn twenty-four this year. In less than four months! Eeek, even bigger wow!! To think this all started almost five years ago…realistically six/seven? Crazy. Crazy how big dreams can become.

Now, have you all stuck to your resolutions? 😉 C’mon, c’mon…

Mine was to get in better shape with exercise and a healthier diet.

To wake up a bit earlier each day with a smile…(still working on the early morning smile, but that’s fixable).

To be more outgoing and get out of my comfort zone from time to time.

To wave off excuses and fear that hold me back from trying my best each day in every outlet, and take on each new challenge ambitiously.

I’ve been following these resolutions pretty well I feel, at least with more tenacity than the broken promises of yesteryears.

I have her whispering in my ear, though. Negative Nancy.

She’s somehow made a dwelling up in my subconscious where she loves to prattle on and on about how I’m not good enough, not smart enough, not enough… Yet, in my heart I know I personally have only given her a name and brevity. I have breathed the negativity in to life by believing some (eh, most) of her gibberish.

Why live a life like that, with doubt?

It’s enough to have other people tear you down, as everyone will always have their own opinions and truths. You cannot control outcomes and words from other people. But to let something you can control boggle you? Negative Nancy is no one’s voice, just insecurities with a megaphone. A really loud megaphone.

So why make myself an adversary as well?

No point. 

:)

All I can do every day is give my best. But I will always be able to give more, to be better. Even upon trying my hardest, I’m sure there’s a tiny extra percentage I could squeeze out of myself that takes me even one step further.

I tell myself that when I work out with my personal trainer, who by the way is amazing. I’m obsessed with her attitude and I admire her discipline and how grounded she is.

So on jump squat nineteen out of thirty, I steal the megaphone from Nancy and urge myself to not give up. Almost there! Work past the pain. Clear your mind and keep moving forward.

This generally works well for me unless my knees buckle and I lose my balance. Which has happened, unfortunately (shout out to walking lunges).

Positive mantras. Work past your pain. Clear your mind of the problem and move toward the solution. Try. Try some more. Keep trying.

Don’t give up, especially when you don’t think you’re enough.

I’ve seen a lot of positivity this year across the board, and that makes me so happy. I feel like a new year freshens people’s perspectives, refocuses goals and priorities.

I was incredibly moved by Katy Perry’s tweet the other day, which says a lot seeing as how you can only fit so many characters in to a tweet and try to make it meaningful. She said two empowering statements that I’ve tacked on to my brain as good, new 2016 words to live by.

“Speak your truth even if your voice shakes. Live your truth even if your body breaks. Spirit survives.”

What does that make you feel?

I’ve said previously how much I admire incredibly devoted people. I can’t imagine living in a time or place where if asked about my beliefs I’d be forced into an ultimatum of denying my faith, or suffer the mortal consequences from affirming my true beliefs. I know that’s an extreme example, but it floors me. It’s beautiful…how grounded people can be in their virtues.

I ask myself though if there is a line to cross. What truth is right or wrong? What if the truth that you live with every fiber of your being has poor intent?

What do you do when you know your feelings, your opinions, your truth per say, but you don’t know if it qualifies as your mantra to live by or your stubborn bias to not change your way?

I ask myself that sometime. I know I can be a stubborn individual.

But I also know that in times when I was lying to myself and going against my opinions, I was so unhappy. I felt wrong. Lost.

I was so unfulfilled to be living, to be a breathing, constant reminder of how I could never stand my ground and made enough excuses to allow myself to get in to sticky positions.

I think people know the answer to some decisions they are uncertain about. Deep down.

I think that’s why people hang on to relationships sometimes, as sad as that is to say. They don’t want to leave the comfort and familiarity, yet deep down they know this isn’t end game. They know it won’t ultimately work…and maybe they don’t want it to either.

I never used to be a confrontational person. I’m way better now, but my voice definitely quivers every time I have to deal with something that makes me uncomfortable, especially unprepared.

But I love this quote. It can be applied to so many different situations. It definitely found its way in to my heart and thoughts. To be honest, it made me feel stronger.

Don’t give up, especially when you don’t think you’re enough.

So in this beautiful new year of positivity, I want all of you to feel strong!! To know you’re on the right track. And perhaps if you’re going through a rough patch in life, know that it’s about to lead you to where you’re supposed to be.

Wherever you are in life is exactly where you’re supposed to be right now. So don’t be afraid of it. Life would be dull and one-dimensional if a challenge didn’t confront you every now and then.

Soak it all in. Learn loads. Love vulnerably. Protect yourself. Take care of your heart, mind, and body. Make mistakes and learn from themLive freely.

“When people won’t stop siphoning your light…it’s time to go electric.”

Let’s be electric this year.

Love,

Kirstin

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