chapter twelve

Man, you know how I was just talking about how time can fly by so quickly when you’re enjoying your surroundings? When you’re not overthinking anything and can just freely be in the moment?

Welp. Tour ended like that. So suddenly ripped from us by a late night text that told us we’d be flying home next morning it felt like a weird break-up.

It was bittersweet news, but anything I’ve ever enjoyed and had to part from felt similarly. The sudden change was startling to all of us.

Genevieve, our hair and make-up girl who has been on tour with us since February, texted me immediately.


No way, right? We didn’t even get to say bye to anyone? All the other bands and crews? Was Kelly okay?

We all shuffled down to our tour bus to clean out our bunks and salvage the rest of our belongings, all mumbling how we couldn’t believe something so wonderful could suddenly just be over.

It was ironic, really. I’d just been home tearing up all these home décor stores and wishing I had more time to organize and put everything away. Wishing I could just be back for good so I could help ground this next life chapter in the new place.

I’d never have guessed that not even forty-eight hours later my wish would come true!

We long for what we don’t have, don’t we? Humans in general.

The skinny, tall, beautiful model envies the curves of other women, while the women she covets all feel horrendously unattractive and stubby in comparison. A person can be incredibly intelligent but not have the natural athletic abilities of their peers.

Comparisons are natural in this social media age, where people are conjuring up these rules of what is good or bad. These flagrant and cheeky observations on how people live, love, and choose their lifestyle only make them wish they could be anything else but themselves. Make them not APPRECIATE what good they do have.

I’m bad about that at times. Only focusing on what others perceive as negative and not having enough self-awareness or confidence to always remind myself of what good I do have. (And everyone has good, so never convince yourself otherwise 



A few extra pounds are not the end of the world (as I lust over the toned bodies of basically everyone I see on Instagram).

I don’t have to purchase or do anything to showcase some status or financial greatness, especially when it’s out of my comfortable budget (but man, Kylie Jenner, you still look freaking fab).

I don’t have to feel so bunkered down by pressure…some pressure that I even make up in my head sometimes because I’m paranoid!

Yeah, I’m sure there will always be things I wish I could change about myself and my surroundings. But you know what? I could work harder in many aspects of my life and do just that.

There’s no sense in moping about what you don’t have, especially when it’s something you have the capability of changing. And if it’s something you can’t change? You have to accept that. Wholeheartedly. And move on taking that in stride.

How can you make the best of whatever situation you’re in until you do just that? Accept what you do and don’t like. Work hard to be the best you. And ultimately appreciate what you do have.

There will always be someone wishing they had exactly what you have.

Because many of them are in even worse situations.

Something to really think about…

There have been some situations I’ve been in where I might have been having a bad or hard time and completely labeled it as total misery. There have been times I’ve been insecure and felt that way about performing even, too caught up on the negatives to just really enjoy myself and actually sing my heart out! Too caught up on specifics and not appreciating the beautiful opportunities. You guys. Connecting and seeing people and places I never would have encountered otherwise.

That’s sad. You know?

The mind can warp the most joyous occasions. The most innocent times.

Everyone’s situations are relative to what’s going on in their own lives. But all still sad.

Sad that insecurities and negativity can cloud eyes so much as to not see the simple things in life. The little simple things that actually bring the most happiness by just appreciating them!

When I was taking all the blankets and pictures out of my bunk I wondered, “Have I gone through this entire tour appreciating and enjoying every moment now that it’s suddenly over?”

Even on the rough days? The sad ones? The tired ones where I didn’t even feel like getting out of bed much less strapping on some heels and going on stage?

I think…yes.

Because I remember those days. How I felt down at times.

And then I remember how rejuvenated I was by meeting people in VIP.

By going out on stage and not knowing how the crowd would react, but by the end feeling satisfied and appreciated as a group musically by all.

By seeing Kelly walk down the thrust back at us after “Heartbeat Song.” Thinking how freaking surreal it was to sing next to someone I have respected and looked up to for years.

And I’m so happy with the time I did have with everyone. Every single person I met on the Piece by Piece tour.

Every show, every cool big venue.

The entire time felt like a strange different life, a dream.

And it was a dream. Every single element and person made it all that much better.

It’s bittersweet, coming home. I didn’t know how much I would miss it.

But instead of flying directly to Los Angeles I took a five hour layover in Texas and got to see my Nana and Pa. My mom. My loved ones I rarely get to see because we are always just so busy.

So I am truly appreciative for my time on tour and the extra time it has now allowed me to spend with family. To organize and settle in to my new place in LA even more now that I have more time.

I am appreciative for the people that were on tour. Their incredible personalities and hearts that made the two months fly by with ease.

I am appreciative for what Kelly taught me by going out on stage, rain or shine, sick or feeling amazing, and KILLING it every single night. By her spirit. Her light.

Time will never stop and change is inevitable. It can happen suddenly or spread through time.

But I know it will lead me to even more opportunities, good and bad. I can only hope I have the wisdom to appreciate each one. 





P.S. The first of some exciting logo animations/installments have been added to the site! Can’t wait for you guys to see the rest 


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