chapter thirty

I think the LA show wins as my favorite show, EVER.

That’s a pretty grandiose statement since we’ve had so many incredible shows, audiences, and moments on tour, but there was something about the Los Angeles show that was not only fun, but made me feel super empowered and driven.

I put my Beyonce/JLO shorts on for the special occasion, baha!

It’s at least definitely Top 3. I can’t forget how special some of the other shows were, whether we just all sounded great and had a technically “good show” or the emotional high of the place and the audience made it unforgettable.

I’m so happy that we all felt that way, though. It’s so special to see your familiar faces in the audience supporting us show after show, but it’s also heartwarming (and nerve-wracking) to have friends and family watching.

EVERYONE was at the show this past weekend. The hours leading up to show time, my stomach was in knots hoping I’d do well for me and for every single supportive person out there that’s been in different parts of my life.

Best of all?

I had so much fun. Genuinely.

Sometimes I get too caught up in how I want the moment to be perceived, that I don’t let it sweep me away enough. I overthink a situation and by doing so, suck the joy and livelihood right out of it.

I can think of so many past events where I crushed myself with my own pressure.

 I have to do well. I can’t do this. Must go like this.

That’s the thing with planning out how an event goes…you can’t.

You can prepare as much as possible, but there will always be variables. The times I grinded my nerves about a performance or even just a life situation, is the time it went so out of my hands I couldn’t even imagine ever thinking it would go my way.

So now, I try to ease up my mind. Generally I’ve had so much more fun this year! A lot of performances I would generally be freaking out about have not physically and mentally debilitated me from nerves as they normally do. 

To sum it up, I had a great time. THANK YOU, LA. I feel so inspired!!

What I did not feel inspired to do at all this weekend was anything more strenuous than cuddling Jeremy, Olaf, and Pascal.

I couldn’t have been lazier even though I had so much I wanted to do (repack, for example) while home.

I tell myself that I deserve it. That I want to relax so if I want to just be useless that’s totally fine. And I make Jeremy join my Useless Lazy Party (sorry, booboo).

I appreciate that he does because he loves me and puts up with me (teehee, more love though). I appreciate all my friends that inevitably at a point have to deal with the aftermath of my tour life, or me while on it! 

In case you may think it’s the most fun thing in the world, let me say…not quite. It’s a lot of waiting. It’s a lot of hoping even a small bit of extra time frees up so that you can see someone.

I welcomed home with open arms this time. I was counting down the days.

It was so hard to immerse myself back in to the work flow schedule, though. The lazy relaxed part of me was ecstatic to be home that I felt a weird duality.

Mentally I was trying to check out and enjoy my fam time, but then I wasn’t in the right head space to work as diligently.

I can’t wait to go back though.

This tour has been so incredibly fun, but there’s nothing that feels more special than the first welcome home hug. Or the first time you tuck the blanket under your chin curled up in your bed. Or like in Vegas when Pascal saw me, he immediately peed.

That’s the best type of genuine excitement, you don’t even care if you’re peeing…

This only applied to animals, okay?

Maybe I’m just saying that because I obsessively love home and what’s attached to it. I always have something worth coming home to. Something priceless.

It makes the going harder and the homecoming so sweet.

I think there’s a song in there

But let’s wrap this tour up with a bang! We have about one more week left and I’m not burnt out in the least. I thank you guys for that.

And I don’t want to say it but…I haven’t gotten sick. Phlegmy, sure thing. But not send me home with a note sick like I usually get. In courtesy, everyone please knock on some wood, haha!!

That also helps me enjoy it more by living in the moment. We have so many more to make before break! Then birthday and then Europe.

2016. You’re looking pretty beautiful.



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