I always get a touch of anxiety before going on each tour.
Silly, I know.
My overanalyzing mind won’t shut up on questions of the future.
How is it going to be this time? What’s the time difference? How long are we gone for? How many days until I see friends, loved ones? Which city will they be in?
The very first day we leave for a tour I have my bags ready waiting for my ride to the airport. I’m cuddling Olaf. I’m lying in the bed whose familiarity and comfort I will miss. And I’m thinking to myself, “Am I going to be okay today? I feel fine…so I won’t be sad, right? This is all exciting. This is really, really cool!!”
Sometimes the pep talk works and I’m bubbly and excited all day long, high off the adrenaline rush of what new adventures this tour will bring.
Other times after we land and arrive at the hotel, I walk in to my empty room and start crying, anxious for no big reason. It’s harder when we’re international, by the time we get to our hotel it’s late in the night and everyone in America is most likely asleep. And then I feel truly alone, thousands of miles away from the people who I turn to for comfort.
Why do I always freak myself out about these things day of leaving?
Man, I don’t know! It’s SO silly, but I can’t help it!
The little voice in the back of my mind that is constantly worrying takes reign of my brain that day and steers me to gloom. I’m always excited for every tour but somehow when I first leave it just gets to me after the excitement has worn down a bit!
I used to say I’d go off to college and then go to New York, waving goodbye to everything I’d known with ease to go off and pursue my dream. I’d live a career-driven lifestyle and work however many jobs to stay fed, warm, and aligned with my goals. I’d probably never go back to Texas. I wouldn’t need to, all I needed and wanted would be in New York.
But as life quickly turned around after The Sing Off, I realized that I love home, by every definition of the word.
The physical place. My family. My friends.
My home in Texas. My apartment in California.
The nomadic lifestyle I figured I’d easily adapt to turned out to be one that’s a little hard to handle at times.
I treasure my home and the people that feel like home too much to never be around for them. It’s hard missing birthdays, special events. The little things are important to me and I feel selfish and upset that I can’t physically be there.
My mom flew out to Japan to spend time with me this summer and spent a week with me while we toured. We reflected on how it had been years since we’ve spent so much time with each other.
That may be a little sad (and sure does give me plenty o’anxiety, ha) but traveling everywhere is also myfavorite part of being on the road. The sights and the people are what keep me motivated and make the being away not so sad!
I get to visit places I only ever dreamed of going to and luckily get to see friends I wouldn’t see as often otherwise! Seeing them in so many different places all over the world, in so many aspects of their life is incredible! They’re my little sprinkle of sunshine and reminder of stability and comfort.
And of course I love getting to meet you guys and matching all your faces to Twitter names too, haha
But you know what has been awesome about this tour in particular?
The people ON tour.
We’ve always been very blessed to have an amazing team and crew. We’ve gotten along with everyone that has come and gone and definitely with the people that have stuck around. It makes tour more fun when you have people you enjoy spending time with since you’re pretty much stuck with them for months.
But I’m not talking about just our crew this time.
I mean the entire tour, every single person.
Kelly has three opening acts. Abi Ann. Eric Hutchinson. And us, Pentatonix.
Think of all those working parts to pull off such a big tour! All the people moving in tandem like efficient worker bees of the Kelly hive (mk, little dramatic).
Everyone is good at their job and likes what they’re doing. Some have been veterans of the road for years. Touring IS their entire life. Others, like us, were new to the arena tour scene. The dynamic was slightly intimidating at first since we had never been a part of a tour this large, but now that we’ve been working with everyone I have to say it is the most fun I’ve ever had.
The people from each band or crew make daily life so fun. They bring a new personality and dynamic to the days that have the potential to get monotonous. Every day has brought a new challenge, a new game, a new friend.
And that’s really cool. To shove so many people together and have them all work and play so fluidly and well.
I also don’t think I’ve felt as sporty or outdoorsy as I do on tour in a long time, haha! And that’s saying “sporty” very lightly.
Our buses are always parked next to each other so every night after the show we’re always hanging out! Playing Frisbee, whiffle ball, cornhole. Everyone is so nice and passionate about why they’re there. Everyone gets along, teases each other playfully, helps one another (they’re even kind to me when I suck at almost every game we play…no worries, I’m learning :)).
And the exciting thing is that I’m doing things on tour we’ve never tried before or definitely wouldn’t do in our headlining tour with just us, activities that unite everyone in playful fun!
I’m outside running around bases or crawling under the bus when a rogue Frisbee swoops underneath. I’m finding different ways to appropriately and efficiently hold a football or a beanbag to get the best throw. Someone’s trying to teach me how to slackline! We’re swapping ice cream with life stories.
This tour has been amazing, in a little Kirstie would totally freak out if she knew she had even just met Kelly Clarkson way and in a tour dynamic way.
I love the fresh faces, the beautiful voices, these people who were randomly plopped in to my life that have the greatest, most welcoming hearts.
I passed by someone on crew I hadn’t met and honestly haven’t seen since who stopped me and said, “Hey! I read your blog. That’s really cool, I really enjoyed reading!!”
I was shocked and overjoyed that someone around me that I hadn’t even met could approach me with such kind words on something I feel equally as vulnerable about as I am proud and excited.
Everyone just actually cares.
And that’s really, really rare.
This tour is not just a job to everyone it seems, it’s a joy. That’s how I feel, at least.
So, I don’t feel so lonely and I’m not counting down days and over-worrying like I have the tendency to do.
Sure, just like anyone else I’m going to have those emotional days where I call Jeremy or my mom drinking wine and eating cheese explaining why I need to watch a sad movie to just let some tears flow, ha. But for the most part, I am so blessed and happy that there are so many new, nice, and loving people on tour. With so many fresh and exciting things buzzing around every day, it’s hard not to want to stay in the moment to enjoy every piece of the day.
I am happy.
I am figuring out when I need to be alone and when I want to hang and play with friends. Sometimes the feelings are different, and they’re definitely different than they used to be.
But that’s all a part of change and growing up!
I’m loving it!!
Day by day I’m getting to know these people better and better. Every other week or so I can’t wait to be with my boyfriend, my friends, or my family who come out to see me.
This tour has been so special, in so many ways.
So I thank you guys as well, for being a part of the journey. This tour is where I began my blog! For that and for a thousand other reasons, it will always hold a special place in my heart.
P.S. LOOK, even a new puppy friend!! Hi, Elmer!
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