chapter forty-one

“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”

Silence.

There should be absolute silence from you.

If you expected anything else, you should be ashamed of yourself.

If you raised your hand to strike, if you opened your mouth to disparage, if you threw any stone of judgement at all you should rethink your position and leave your sense of entitlement at home.

You must differentiate between defending yourself or someone you care about and just bashing your opposition.

You must realize when you hold yourself on such a pedestal, that you are wrongfully acting entitled and thus condescending anyone you deem lower or not in agreeance with you.

You must check yourself when your emotions cloud your logic with anger and frustration and your calling out of someone’s wrongdoings against you just become words of hate and belittlement. When they just blow out of proportion because you’re just trying to find something to blame.

Nothing ever offends me personally more than people’s specific words, or the air in which they carry themselves above me. The way they think they are so greater than me that they can condescend and treat me how they like. Or my friends. Or just how they generalize and undervalue groups of people, or people they can relate to some negative feeling harbored in their hearts.

Nothing makes me more upset when later, after being blinded with anger or resentment I hurt people in this way. I drive them to a point of sadness that they never would have expected coming from me. They remind me that sometimes I act entitled to certain things and ways of life because I have been very blessed with what I do have that sometimes I expect it.

That hurts the worst.

They remind me that just because my situation and the people I am around sometimes are a certain way does not mean I have to osmosis into exactly how they are. I don’t have to put up a front to fit in or be cool, I can and should just be me.

Sometimes (most of the time), “me” likes to be grand anyway. She loves her clothes and champagne. ;)

But I have to realize when I am coming across negatively or too grand even if I don’t mean it. Sometimes pure intention does not translate to the person on the opposite side with a completely different agenda.

As I’m sure you’ve experienced, not all disagreements turn out for the best. Not all of them bounce back or meet a compromise. Some people are too stubborn, some hold their judgement as the only way. Some give up because there is no way to help if both aren’t willing. Some maybe just say the wrong thing, whether meaning to or not.

Deadly. Words can be deadly.

I’ve said words can kill too, because I believe that not just deadly objects or actions are dangerous. To me, words are considered one of the most dangerous weapons because they carry such power in every-day life. You can be disappointed, you can be hurt, you can be reminded to feel the pain from words every single day.

It can come from your peers, your friends, your work, from Twitter and social media, from someone you love…all of it has varying degrees of destruction.

“I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

“You don’t deserve this because of what you’ve done.”

“I deserve this because you hurt me.”

“I don’t believe in your talent, it’s not as good as everyone else’s.”

“You won’t be successful.”

“You’re not good enough.”

“No.”

These people may not believe in your worth. They may not respect you.

Maybe they feel threatened by you. Maybe they have a decently logical reason to confront and criticize, but then take it way too far.

Maybe even, they are simply unhappy with themselves and try to blame their unhappiness on you when really they are doing nothing to help cure themselves.

Who knows?

Not me. People will always astound me.

People will always hurt me. Unintentionally or not. And I will always hurt them. Unintentionally or not.

People will always hurt you.

And you them.

I think it’s important to take critique and reflect upon your life. Does it make sense? Do you see how people could come up with that conclusion?

I’ve done a TON of self-reflection based on people’s perceptions of me that I respected, however hurtful they were. Good self-reflection.

Contrarily, if they are not offering their word to show you how you can be better are they just being mercilessly hateful for no reason?

It’s important to check yourself as well. Standing up for yourself or someone you love is very important, until you take it too far and become the hateful person you were combatting in the first place.

Don’t let your anger, don’t let all the anger going around in the world, or the anger your friends have about a situation take control of you.

I have to slap myself every time someone finds a reason to dislike someone or something and then I start to see that reason as well, even though I had no problem with the person or thing to begin with. And I wouldn’t have, if not for the person casting a stone beside me.

Be cognizant of your surroundings and what you feel.

Don’t gang up on each other. Please.

Don’t agree or do something out of pressure.

Take care of yourself and your heart.

Take care of each other.

Respect everyone’s feelings and differences.

And next time people have doubt in your worth or your capability to be great, YOU be the one to say “no.”

We’re strong now.

Love,

Kirstin

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