Chapter Fifty-Four

Yesterday on Twitter I posted that I'd been watching a lot of psychological thrillers recently and that I'd been incredibly inspired by them.

You might question, inspired to do...what? I guess it does sound a bit creepy, huh?

I guess when your friend tweets back "plz don't kill me" it reads a little psychotic, haha. However, I promise I don't feel inspired to commit any craziness!!

I do feel inspired by how complex the mind is. How easily people can be susceptible to failure from manipulation by others or even by themselves. How easy it can be, because a lot of the times people don't know how to accept or handle whatever dark side they have within them. It makes them sad. And then it drives them insane. 

The latest movie I've seen is "Girl on the Train" and I seriously felt a little psycho just watching it. Every single person had issues, their own demons they were trying to get over. It was making me so...melancholy to watch all these distraught characters fall into desperation. 

It was even crazier (SPOILER ALERT kinda) that all the issues and craziness stemmed from one person’s manipulative acts, lies, and selfishness.

I generally am an avid read the book first before seeing the movie fan, but I couldn’t help but watch this movie first this time. I’d seen the trailer months ago and was instantly drawn in. When it opened, it actually received horrible reviews which bummed me out…but since seeing it, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.

That makes it a good movie in my book. :)

(SPOILER ALERT)

“Girl on the Train” reaffirmed the crazy human trait of everyone wanting something they don’t have. And if I’ve ever felt crazy, needy, or selfish for a situation I was going through this movie in a way comforted me to know that the world is like that. So many revert to sadness. Even though that’s not a good thing, it was crazy to see people find companionship and comfort in their grief. That’s maybe when relationships stand out even more vividly.

It was crazy to see characters in different walks of their life, with different issues, all mutually struggle like they weren’t so different after all.

The “perfect” person everyone envied was unraveling under the pressure of what she was supposed to do and supposed to feel.

Another person envied her “perfect” life, a life she would never be able to have.

Another person was trying to have a perfect life from what started in lies and adultery, which is a bad foundation to begin a relationship anyway.

The movie also touched on something that really resonated with me. Two of the saddest people in the world can find hope, companionship, and happiness in each other. When they were together, the world fell away. All that mattered was them, not the sadness that generally plagued their lives.

It was beautiful, in a sad way. It was all that mattered.

But my heart panged in my chest because I knew how mentally harmful something like that was. I grieved with the character, who was just struggling to find some sort of acceptance amongst others, but ultimately needed to find acceptance within herself. I mourned over her convoluted view of happiness and acceptance and how that would affect her for the rest of her life

I feel like a broken record, but I can’t stop stressing about how important it is to accept yourself.

It’s not about accepting yourself when others accept you. Your worth is not defined by anyone else. Your mistakes don’t just disappear when someone else overlooks or accepts them.

You have to accept them.

Men, women, people will manipulate you in different ways. They will make you feel small. They will make you feel insecure sexually or physically, because they like that you’re jealous. They will string you along. They will belittle you, they will criticize. There are so many ways to manipulate.

The best counter to their hate is doing what you are happy with, is being comfortable with yourself. That’s the only way to survive their negativity, because if you aren’t strong enough with yourself they will carry you down.

I guess what I’m trying to say is always make sure to take a mental health day, hour, moment to focus on you and how you’re doing.

Be able to look in the mirror and look yourself in the eye. Like what you see in front of you. Accept what you see in front of you.

Sometimes the world is pulling at you from all directions, sometimes you’re pulling yourself in a bunch of different directions that it’s easy to spiral in to your own form of chaos, but it is so important to take a moment to yourself to check in.

It won’t be the easiest! But never feel selfish for looking out for yourself. You can only please people so much, at the end of the day you need to be happy with yourself.

It’s a busy world we live in and it’s very easy to get wrapped up.

Make time.

Love,

Kirstin

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