chapter fifteen

I have been the busiest bee. So sorry if I’ve been completely MIA, you guys!

This past week has been so amazing though! We went to New York for a bit and got to experience real fall there…c’mon LA, please catch up!! My sweater game was on point!

In the days after that I did my own photo shoot and we did our Sing video shoot with some of you guys!

Did you join us at the pier? Have you entered in your own video yet?

It was so beautiful in Venice that night! I had so much fun dancing and hanging with you guys. I love seeing so many familiar faces, it’s my favorite. So many of you guys have grown up with us! Makes my heart so happy that we continually reconnect over the years.

And I can’t wait to get all the photo shoot pictures back! I was trying not to give you guys too many sneak peaks but…I can’t help myself. 


So after some busy, crowded days it’s nice to have some family in town. Jeremy’s mom got in yesterday and today is her birthday (woo!) so we went out for dinner and drinks!

My mom gets in tomorrow and I am ecstatic. She hasn’t been in LA for a while so I can’t wait for her to get here. 


We’re out again next week…can you believe it? But we’ll be in NYC again and I’m taking a special little trip next weekend to film something…magical! 😉

I know, I know, I’m such a tease. But there’s so much going on nowadays I don’t want to ruin any surprises! And everyone’s been working so hard!

It’s incredible what you can accomplish when you set your mind to it. When you work hard and prepare for life as opposed to just worrying about it all the time.

That sounds so basic. Well, duh, Kirstin. Of course.

But while I’ve spent the last few years in the passenger seat, too afraid to take the wheel for anything, life has flown by me. Opportunities and growth potential have all bypassed me because I was huddled in the corner.

I hate doing anything that I’m bad at. It’s embarrassing for me.

Well then how do I ever get better at anything, you say?

I don’t. I don’t allow myself the torture and embarrassment of not looking as good as I’d like. Of not doing well or feeling like I’m killing it.

It’s a poor mindset. I get discouraged way too easily and it holds me down from a lot of opportunities.

It started when I was a little kid too! My mom tried to teach me piano and I didn’t want to learn. I only wanted her to teach me the songs, not the many stepping-stones it took to get there.

Gah, how I wish I could shake the sense in to Little Me!! What a bummer. What an opportunity missed.

If I’d have learned piano, I could have been way better at music theory. I am not the most knowledgeable in theory and cringe every time someone tries to explain music to me in an overly educated way.

Because I should know it all, right? I should be the master of music theory with the position I’m in. Instead I get by on the basics, but lean mostly on my ear.

And while music does not necessarily have a right or wrong way (I don’t believe so anyway), it’s disheartening to feel held back from being able to express what I want in logical terms. I find myself babbling and singing what I mean in a confusing way as opposed to just being able to state exactly what I mean.

feel so much. But I wish I could express better.

I tried to play the guitar but could never build callouses on my fingers to not be a little wimp about it. Granted, my main focus at that time was theatre and choir and I WAS working very hard in those outlets, but still…

Sometimes there’s more to just trying your best and killing it. You have to stretch yourself, go above and beyond! Break out of that comfort zone!

It can be exhausting. When I think too much about all I have on my plate, I get a little stressed out.

But I’m slowly building and training myself to go above and beyond. And going above and beyond without fear of failure is the only way to reach goals.

Now, people get lucky. Pentatonix was lucky.

The five of us are so blessed to be doing what we are doing and in such a short amount of time. Yes, we have worked so, so hard. Yes, we have made sacrifices.

But there are other people that struggle hard every day to succeed that work even harder. That are sometimes even ten times as talented but not getting any recognition for it or their hard work.

I used to be so complacent, getting by without working as hard because I did just that: get by easily.

Life is so much more than that. So much more rewarding. It’s a waste of your life to not try to stretch past your limitations and go for it!

So much more exhausting sometimes too, haha!

But it’s totally worth it in the end. You’re a lot more satisfied with your accomplishments when you know you’ve poured your entire heart in to making it work.

So…do just that. 


I’ve been feeling very inspired lately, and yes, very tired. But I know the people around me are lifting me up and working so incredibly hard every day for what they believe in.

It makes me want to work hard too, to try my very best to match their dedication and passion!

I know I can do it too.



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