chapter twenty eight

You guys!

It’s been forever! How are you?

Look at the new ‘do (website)! I’m completely obsessed!!

It feels lighter, colorful, and more fun! Also, there will be a new feature that will be a better way for us to connect, share beauty/fashion tips, life stories, etc! I know many of you have amazing stories of your own, and this will be a great way to share them! More info on that coming in the near future...I dare not say soon.

I’m sort of vomiting that it’s already mid-April of 2016. I turn 24 in less than a month!

It’s so crazy. I just had a conversation with a friend I was best friends with my senior year of high school about a dream I had last night. In my dream, it was like old times.

Everyone was there, the crew. My “squad,” if you must.

And now we’re all off doing different things, some I don’t even speak to anymore, and it just made me kinda thoughtful on life. On who comes in and out of your life, who you think will remain, who just doesn’t…it’s crazy!

There’s still so much more I want to accomplish, and while I feel I’ve been making good strides I can always do better. I can always push to work harder and run that extra mile.

Speaking of running that extra bit (not quite at the extra mile point), we’ve added a new member to our team! He's our security/personal trainer on tour (yay I can continue my fitness journey) and his name is Austin. He's so awesome and has been working on my weakness: cardio. 

Does anyone run here? I’d ask does anyone like to run, but I’m not sure anyone really does? Or perhaps I’m just not there yet.

I told him I have a mental issue with working out. The harder I breathe or anyone around me breathes, the faster my anxiety about being out of breath/shape rises and the more inclined I am to quit before I reach my goal. Or turn purple in the face.

I always turn a bit red, regardless.

That’s another thing. For all the willowy work out fiends out there that just glisten in their sweat, I hate you. Your body chains and perfect matching clothes make me seethe with envy.

Now, if I wore any type of chain I would absolutely get caught in the treadmill or something and hurt myself. But the matching outfits…gotta get me some of those. Girl, you look good.

I really am excited though because I have always LOATHED running. And now…it’s not horrible!

Not quite yet to the wake up dewy-eyed in the morning and start off on a 3-miler BUT progress is progress. And it’s so exciting to see! I can’t wait to see how my fitness journey continues. 

I've always looked at pictures of tiny framed people on Instagram that will never be me or followed all the "thinspo" tumblrs hoping that they would inspire me to lose weight, however I needed to.

But I don't just want to be thin.

I want to look strong. Powerful.

I want to look lean and small.

I love eating and I still do. I treat myself here and there whether that be cheese or chocolate, haha!

But I feel like my mentality to be healthy is very centered and strong. And that brings more confidence than starving myself, or depleting my nutrients, or binge-eating ever would/did.

Remember that, friends. :)

It is a journey. Easier for some, harder for others.

But I can’t wait till I hit my goals.

In other news, tour has been amazing so far!!! I say this every year, but it’s so refreshing to have a completely new show. It completely revitalizes my spirit!

This one especially is close to our hearts because it is mostly originals!

For me personally, this is the first time I have had a song make the final cut to the album. So seeing some of you sing along, breaks my heart in the best way. 

The first show in Florida when I saw people singing along to Water, I almost started ugly crying. I somehow held it together. Yay.

Seriously, it means the world to see you guys interacting with us. With lyrics and ideas that were once so vulnerable, that came to life in music.

It’s just so cool.

So thank you!

It’s also encouraged me to continue writing for the experience and to get to know myself as an artist better. It’s been so fun writing and creating! I have so much to say! Haha!

I can’t wait to see what other fun adventures tour will bring.

As I said, 2016 is going to be a good year.

A year where I will make sure to align myself with my goals and priorities. A year I’ll take my fitness and health seriously. A year where I’ll stop making excuses about insecurities and start creating content because I am blessed with the tools and full of ideas.

A year where I remember that this can be taken away at any moment, so to appreciate each and everyone of you.

I do appreciate you all.

Now it’s almost been HALF a year.

What have you done so far? What will you do?




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